New Year, New Attempts at Hard Things

Goal setting is a topic that’s attracted a long-time blend of fascination and skepticism from me. I often set and try to achieve goals. Sometimes they go well. Other times, the results… well, they make good stories!

Anecdotally, I’ve seen that achieving things is usually a process, and successes tend to have invisible trails of “failures” behind them. I’ve had feedback that others have liked my blogs about the process of trying new things and the stumbling blocks I’ve encountered along the way. So, here are a couple of things I’ve been trying and stumbling over this year.

Personal Training

In November, I began working with a personal trainer. I’ve maintained an exercise habit for years, as it clearly helps with my physical and mental health, but this is the first time I’ve sought personalized guidance. I wanted to have an exercise plan that I could do at home, which would help me build skill and strength from where I was. I felt like I’d only gotten so far with the “DIY” approach. And, as a former chosen-last-in-gym kid, I lacked physical confidence.   

My trainer, Kat Saunders, created a feeling of psychological safety. She was encouraging and nonjudgmental. Also, our initial assessment showed I had reasonable strength in most areas, contrary to my low expectations, though I had some things to work on. That was a relief, affirming that my years of imperfect yet regular exercise had a tangible effect.

I had a shaky, anxious start. I committed longer than the single month I’d intended, then freaked out at one point, thinking I wasn’t seeing the changes I’d hoped for, and it was all useless. But I needed to give things a little more time and to have an external assessor (Kat, in this case) show me changes I couldn’t see myself.

After two months, my trainer assessed me again. My body is more balanced, and my posture has visibly improved. I saw an 18% increase in the weight I could lift. These changes in physicality have improved my confidence, and I’ve found more ease when attempting new physical activities. I’ve committed to a group of monthly training sessions following my two months of weekly ones. I look forward to seeing how they go.

Treats for Trying

Effort and results don’t always match. I’m sure most of us have experiences of trying hard and getting nowhere, and other times when, for example, we quickly paint a blob on canvas and hear, “That’s such a good painting!”

I’ve set myself writing goals and a schedule this year. It requires effort and patience. It’s not always fun, and there’s no guarantee of “success” in terms of external markers. But, of course, there’s no chance of these “successes” happening without putting in that time and effort.

I find it hard to feel proud of myself for trying: “What if all I’m doing is wasting time?” So, I’m recognizing my efforts with rewards.

It started as a joke. Duolingo was spamming me with emails about learning a new language in the new year. I’ve been practicing Spanish in other ways since taking a course last year, but I told myself, “I’ve been working hard on my writing goals. I can have a little Duolingo, as a treat!”

Why does language learning feel like a “treat”? Because it’s easy! (Well, languages may not be, but the gamified Duolingo format is.) Because it’s a regular way to recognize my regular efforts at the harder things. And because it’s not tied to a specific goal or outcome. It’s nice to hear exaggerated praise from that little green owl, and if it stops feeling rewarding, I’ll do something else. 

I’ve thought long and hard about what feels like a reward to me. I can say something is a reward, but it doesn’t work unless it feels like one. Ease and frivolity make things feel rewarding. If I need it (like food, clothes, rest, or socialization, no matter how fancy their forms), it doesn’t feel like a treat.

I’ve started a list of things that do feel treat-like. I’m “treating myself” regularly to recognize my regular efforts. I bought a cookbook after finishing a project. Did I need it? No. But I allowed myself to get that thing I wanted.

I’m rewarding my impatient self for cultivating patience. And I’m rewarding myself with things that aren’t tied to goals, so they feel transgressively luxurious, but positive. So far, it’s been a motivating strategy, so I plan to continue with it, keeping an adaptive mindset and seeing how it goes.