Tag: neurodiversity

Book Review: Better Living Through Alchemy

I’ve been meaning to finish and review Evan J. Peterson’s occult detective novella Better Living Through Alchemy since it came out last year. Better late than never, right?

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of books in order to judge the Best Independent Press award for the British Fantasy Awards. There are a few of us judging each award, and next month, I’ll tell you more about what the experience of judging a literary award is like.

Once I finished that stack of books, I looked at my TBR and there it was, waiting for me – Better Living Through Alchemy, which Evan (who I met through a Clarion West writing group) had kindly given me a review copy for.

At 166 pages, this is a slim but satisfying read, a fast-paced page turner. It’s also not your typical detective novel.

Private investigator Kelly Munn uses her magical and psychic abilities to investigate cases in Seattle along with her cousin and assistant, Critter. One day a client comes in with an equally strange mystery for her to look into. A drug called bardo has appeared on the streets. It’s killing people and leaving their bodies mutated in bizarre ways. It’s a compelling case – and paycheck – that Kelly and Critter can’t refuse.

The characters are charming, with the banter between detectives and clients reading as entertaining and the caring bickering between the two cousins as believable. I enjoyed how the story low-key has a mostly queer cast. Kelly is bi or pan, and Critter is trans and some variety of queer as well.

While Critter and some of the other characters use magical techniques like tarot and dowsing to investigate the mystery, Kelly’s abilities are the most interesting aspect of the heroes’ magic. She has clairolfaction – she can smell feelings and images, which help her intuit leads for the cases she investigates. (Her ability doesn’t seem too far off from synesthesia, just a bit more magical.) Her third-person point of view is peppered with experiences like smelling lies, “green words,” and a mixture of “rightness and wrongness” that smells like “wood smoke and rain mingled.”

Like her colleagues, she supplements her natural abilities with an interesting sort of magical technology. She free-associates words to come up with insights and, at one point, uses something called a “Dreamachine” that once belonged to William Burroughs. I think I want one.

The plot drives the storytelling forward, with one thing leading to another. Resurrection! Demons! Tree-people! Lost gods! The appearance of the drug itself! The tension ramps up, backstories are revealed, twists and turns appear, and everything feels engrossing. By the end of the story, things are… mostly explained, and maybe some of them don’t need to be.

All I can say is, it took me too long to read this book. Don’t be like me – read it now.

Author Interview and UK “Speed Walk”

My friend Mikey Belcher is a fellow American-Canadian transplant to the UK. We went to grad school together, and now he has a fantastic Substack newsletter where he writes about art, architecture, and more. I was delighted to do an author interview with him recently.

He asked me thoughtful questions about my new poetry book, The Heart Decided to Move, we share our experiences of moving to the UK on ancestry visas, and the interview ends with a “speed walk” around some of my favorite places in the UK.

It was fun to be asked what building I’d most like to build out of Lego! Portmeirion, in Wales, of course (see below). Read the full interview here.

More Synesthesia Shenanigans

I’m taking part in a research study at the University of Sussex on synesthesia in families. My mom’s participating too. It’s looking at both synesthetes and their non-synesthetic first-degree relatives. They’re still looking for direct relatives of synesthetes to participate, so if this applies to you or someone you know, you can learn more below or click here to sign up. It’s a paid study that involves color matching and memory tests.

Now I have consistency tests confirming my synesthesia. It felt exciting to have evidence that this was real, that I wasn’t making it all up.

I’ve also signed up for a workshop with the documentary In My Mind’s Eye – Unlocking Synaesthesia. The co-hosts, who run the Let’s Talk Synaesthesia podcast, will be leading sessions on neurodivergent wellbeing, music, and art-making. It’s taking place on October 18 in London, and interested synesthetes can sign up on Eventbrite (space is limited).

This past weekend, I went to an art installation at the Barbican called Feel the Sound. I thought the “multi-sensory installations” sounded both interesting and synesthetic. The exhibit had a lot of cool concepts, such as instruments that use light or sense indirect touch, and AI-generated, light-up melodies that match participants’ descriptions of their experiences with music. There was a lot of AI use in this contemporary exhibit, and I’m not sure how I feel about the infusion of that bland AI-generated writing style in the art world.

As I expected, a lot of the exhibit mixed senses in interesting ways, and that stirred up my mixed senses. I suppose I should have expected that something called “Feel the Sound” would have a lot of what, to me, felt like “weird noises.” Some of them were red or green or shaped like triangles. It felt a bit chaotic in some of the rooms, and calmer in others where the sonic atmosphere was more closely controlled. The choir of trans voices in a room where listeners could rest on body pillows was a highlight, along with screens of visuals synced to music and platforms that vibrate along with sounds. Overall, the experience was a blend of hit and miss for me.

That’s how I’d probably describe my engagement with contemporary art in general, as well as my experiences with synesthesia. I recently tried closing my eyes by a busy highway and watching the colors and shapes that the car noises made in my mind’s eye. It was cool that I could do that… but I quickly lost interest in that little game. I’m the kind of curious person who smells all the roses in the rose garden. But some experiences, it turns out, can be both synesthetic and boring.

Onward, September!

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Embracing Our Colors and Facing Our Demons

I’m writing this fresh from Brighton Pride celebrations this weekend.

And I’m grappling with difficult feelings. It’s hard to lose a parent. And while I was traveling back and forth across continents to visit my father in the hospital, I didn’t have the bandwidth to process other emotions which I’m feeling now.

A lot of people have found themselves on neurodivergent journeys recently. Mine looks a little different from what you see on TikTok videos. I’ve shared a little about it elsewhere, and now I’ll share more about it here.

I used to be in a neurodiverse relationship. That’s how I got involved with a local autism support group, a decade or so before the neurodiversity-affirming movement really took off.

I’m not autistic. I also don’t have ADHD, the other type of neurodivergence that’s gained visibility recently. But years ago, I read about dyspraxia (sometimes called Developmental Coordination Disorder) and thought, “Oh.”

My skill set has always been wildly asymmetrical. I was that kid who couldn’t catch a ball but was reading (and understanding) my mom’s psychology books at age 9. My brain can struggle to process motion. Sense of direction? I’ve barely got one. Dyspraxia made sense – until I attended a dyspraxia conference, and realized I didn’t experience 70% of the challenges the speakers were talking about.

A few years ago, I contacted an expert and we looked at various forms of neurodivergence. I’d thought I had a disability – but I don’t, and my attempts to find accommodations for my challenges had only made me feel worse. I found out instead that I’d been struggling with anxiety symptoms, and had “some sensory things” (not a diagnosis) and a high IQ. I learned some anxiety management techniques, joined Mensa, and got on with things.

There was still a piece missing. And this year, I found it.

Synesthesia, aka the “Sensory Things”

It turns out my brain has another weird thing going on – synesthesia. This is when input to one sense results in an additional sensory experience. Think colors for letters, tastes for sounds, feeling touch when someone else is touched, visualizing sequences in space, etc. It’s a diverse spectrum of traits, and multiple forms often coexist in the same person.

I read about synesthesia as a teenager and found it relatable. It struck a chord, given my colored weekdays (the most common form of synesthesia found in a population study) and the poem I wrote as a child about the colors and personalities of certain numbers. But surely I didn’t really have synesthesia, since I wasn’t actually “seeing” anything.

There’s more information and research on it now. As it happens, most synesthetes are like me, with the extra sensory input experienced in the mind’s eye (associative synesthesia) rather than in the external world (projective synesthesia).

My main forms of synesthesia have to do with color related to physical sensations and music. I experience other forms, too, including some that happen occasionally. I’m still figuring out what things are “normal” for me that aren’t experienced by everyone. Yep, I was 37 years old when I learned that most people don’t ever visualize moving, colored shapes in their minds when music plays.

It’s common for synesthetes to have some of the challenges I do, such as a poor sense of direction, some challenges processing movement, and left-right confusion (which I used to have, but it went away after going on a bunch of hikes). My strengths in memory and creativity are also common with the profile.

Synesthesia has an interesting place in the neurodiversity conversation. It’s one of few “neurodivergent conditions” that’s not typically disabling. There’s less stigma around it at this time, though if you try to articulate your experiences, they sure can sound weird! Some people experience debilitating or distracting versions of synesthesia. Others embrace the “superpower” narrative, with versions of synesthesia that help with remembering information, spotting patterns, or creating spellbinding art of things they see that no one else can.

I’ve had frightening synesthetic moments and stunningly beautiful ones. On the whole, though, my synesthesia is like background noise that I’ve spent most of my life tuning out. I gave it other names – “my wild imagination,” “weird or spiritual experiences,” and “did this really happen or did I make it up?” No wonder I gravitate toward fantasy fiction, where some characters see things that most people can’t. I realize now there’s a synesthetic character in one of my short stories in Dream Signs, and while there’s no “seeing music” in my music-focused novel Chasing Harmony, it has some synesthetic moments too.

I don’t have to “do anything” about my synesthesia, really. But I’m curiously exploring how it works, and trying to figure out how I feel about it. I think this will take a while.

A mediocre painting of a song I heard. Well, it gets the point across…

Magnetospheres and Demon Hunters

A movie just came out that struck a deep chord with me. Magnetosphere, directed by Nicola Rose, is a coming-of-age story about a girl with synesthesia set in Ontario during my own childhood. For me, it couldn’t have been released at a better time.

It was a delight to hear the Canadian accents and to be reminded of watching Comet Hale-Bopp and the girl power era. While my experiences aren’t the same as the protagonist’s, I do see sounds, hear colors, and see feelings on occasion, and like Maggie, I was and am creative and emotional. There were so many things I related to that I cried a few times during the movie, especially when Maggie was singing about being confused by her synesthetic experiences. I also loved her argument with her friend over the colour of Tuesday – some subtle synesthesia in someone else that wasn’t singled out. That’s not to mention the queer subplot, and the comical one where Maggie’s dad is directing a theatrical production where everything goes wrong. Memories from Joan: The Musical were triggered!

I recommend Magnetosphere without reservation, especially if you’re curious to get a sense of what (some types of) synesthesia can be like. The Pharell Williams Lego movie, Piece by Piece, is another great watch for visualizing music-to-color synesthesia. And, like many people right now, I’ve gotten into Netflix’s animated musical KPop Demon Hunters. I’ve been binge listening to the songs. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know that demonic patterns figure heavily in the plot, so it’s interesting that the riff at the beginning and end of “Golden” evokes a compelling visual pattern for me.

I relate to the main character Rumi’s secrecy and shame. The movie struck a chord because I’ve drafted a novel with overlapping themes – music magic, demons, and secrets brought into the open. Oh, and a version of synesthesia, before I realized that’s what I was experiencing. Once I revise my current WIP, I’m going to get back to work on that one.

To quote the movie’s final song:

Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?
I should’ve let the jagged edges meet the light instead
Show me what’s underneath
I’ll find your harmony
The song we couldn’t write
This is what it sounds like

Writing News

Next week, I’ll be in Cardiff for EMAG, Mensa’s European annual gathering. I’m on the organizing committee and will be leading a workshop on Creative Writing as part of the program.

Creative Writing

Saturday, 9 August, 9-10 am

Looking for a fun new way to express your thoughts, feelings, and ideas? Have you always wanted to write but not been sure how to get started? In this workshop, you’ll explore a variety of facilitated creative writing exercises, with opportunities to share with the group and get feedback if you wish. Let’s bring our imagination to the page!

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I have two story publications forthcoming this year, and a future poetry event in the works with Custom House Bookshop in London.

I did an author interview recently with fellow writer Christina Consolino, who asked lovely, thoughtful questions.

I’m having fun contributing to the British Fantasy Society’s monthly blogs and judging for the British Fantasy Awards (Best Independent Press means reading a lot of books).

And my publisher Read Furiously’s summer book sale is ongoing, including my The Heart Decided to Move. and the rest of their One ‘n Done series.

Onward and upward! Embrace your colors!

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